To Spirit

I no longer feel like I ended up on this earth for myself. That may seem like a strange statement, but it is the best way I am able to describe the feeling of interconnectedness that has been growing in me through time from the inside out. In my sixty years, I have progressed from “poor me” to grateful for everything, bursting with love in every breath I take. I felt that especially deeply last week when I took a respite from social media and spent quiet time in nature with my journal as my only companion. This spiritual entity that I knew when I was a toddler, before I was even introduced to “it” as a separate, omnicient “God,” used to come to me in the form of angel visions and has recently become integrated into my being; an invisible force, tangible in the form of a searing warmth coming from and into my heartspace.

This was apparent at 10:00 this past Sunday night when my carbon monoxide detector went off during my first fireplace fire of the season. Six firefighters, the sheriff and a gas company representative converged on my house, throwing open my doors and windows when my readings were deemed to be considerably elevated. The fire chief mentioned that I should be relieved that the detector was functioning properly. I was, but more pressing as the evening wore on was the sense of comfort I felt that although I lived by myself, there was someone who would be nearby to protect me. And this “God” figure was working through us all. No fear or panic were present at all.

In today’s chaotic world, I need more alone time with this entity than in the past, to appreciate and learn from it. My favorite title for this “God” now is Universe, although that fluctuates often between Lord, Creator, Divine. It appears at night before I fall asleep, and in the morning when I first awake and always in nature. It is present in every new person I meet, every situation I face, every decision I make. All of those interactions ensure that I am always walking the straight line on my peace and joy path.

More people are contacting me now for assistance with their or their loved one’s mental health. They are desperate as I once was for a hand to hold or a compassionate word or deed. Where I once felt inadequate or indifferent in providing such guidance (usually because I was too caught up in my own perceived important business or self pity), now it seems natural to drop whatever I am doing to help another. When I needed help the most, it was the vulnerable ones I reached out to, so that is who I need to be for others now. Raw. Real. Available. Approachable. And so I am. I call this spirit ready. A friend recently asked me to share my definition of spirituality. Unable to put that into words, I asked him to find his own meaning to the word. It is different for each of us.

One thing I have discovered about myself is that my spirit is most complete when interacting with other human beings. In person. It is in those moments that I feel something really touch my soul. And I am grateful.

From the Sanctuary:

My rooms are getting set up for the cold weather. A wonderful organization that helps refugees was able to pick up my spare twin bed, so someone will have a more comfortable place to sleep now, and I am one step closer to having a meeting room that doubles as a library and writing workshop place. Feelers are out requesting the muscle and height that I am lacking to move the furniture.

Outside, things are changing quickly, the goldenrod is drying out, less frequented by the pollinators and the thistles are getting fuzzy. Starling murmurations arrive daily. These always amuse me as I wonder how thousands of birds are able to make such a racket and remain hidden in the trees. I also giggle when they finally reveal themselves in synchronistic flight or ground feeding parties and make a quick exit when one is spooked.

The deer are getting more active and playful. They visit every evening at dusk and wrestle, leap and run until they collectively lie down for naptime, and last night a blue heron snuck into the creek to entertain me with its elegance.

Be blessed, everyone, whatever that means to you.

Love, Mary